Verse:

Peter, Peter pumpkin-eater, he had a wife who was a cheater

So he put her in a pumpkin shell; she couldn't breathe but what the hell--

At least she couldn't cheat…

Now he lets her out for therapy once a week

Chorus:

And it's hey diddle diddle, let's have a ball

Rockin’ and reelin’ up on the wall

Big fat eggs' tryin' not to fall

Cause man it’s a long way down

And it’s hard to bring it back around

Verse:

My old man Wee Willie runs through the town

Never gets dressed till the sun goes down

Then he calls me up at half past dawn, one shoe off and one shoe on

Unsteady on the brink

Cryin’ “where o where can I find a drink!”

Bridge:

So Jack be nimble, Jill be smart

Know where you’re goin’ before you start

Don’t you tumble down and break your heeaaaarrrrt

You can’t get it back together when it’s torn apart

Verse:

Mary Mary quite contrary, was so afraid she’d never marry

Then she met up with a simple man, stole her heart and away he ran

Then he stole her money too

Now she got so much debt she don’t know what to do 

[Chorus]

Verse:

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, she was singin’ a song by Jimmy Buffet

Little Boy Blue stood at the gate, he brought his horn but he came too late

The cows had all gone home

Now she sips her wine and gives her dog a bone   

[Chorus]